I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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