dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
