i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
