If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
