Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
