We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
