I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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