So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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