Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
