the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
