We're facebook friends in real life
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
