At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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