I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
