i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
