Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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