Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
There r osticjed everywhere
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
