It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
