K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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