That's when you crack a 10am beer
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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