Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
