You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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