I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
