Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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