She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
