I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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