i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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