when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
