my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
