oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
