Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize