I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
FUCK WHALES
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
