When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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