I'm lost and stupid without you.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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