My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
