I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
