I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm passing your future prison.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
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