I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
