nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
