I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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