I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
