This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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