She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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