two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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