dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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