I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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