too bad you live with your parents still
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
