Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
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Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
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I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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