How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Send help, water and tortillas.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
