I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
barbara walters just said penis...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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