im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
