So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
