why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
