My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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