Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
