i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
