hotel room ftw
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
