its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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