i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
