I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
