Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
