at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
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so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize