Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
