Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
