these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I wear drunk well.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
