It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Everything about him screamed your future.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
