dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
