He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
