jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
