the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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