i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
