i think my tv is drunk
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
