i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
