Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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