so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
