saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
