i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
